Greeks Spotted Them First
You might recall the ancient Greek mythology about the outstanding handsome guy who stared at his reflection on the water until he died in that position. Philosophers and thinkers throughout the years thought of it as out of touch with reality due to extreme arrogance and self-admiration.
Disclosure: This post includes some sponsored links that might’ve helped me or that I might’ve used before. Whatever you read in this blog is should not be considered or used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. It is a blog that provides general information and discussions about mental health and health-related subjects.
A Narcissist, From a Psychiatric Perspective
Only in 1980, the diagnosis of NPD was officially recognized in the DMS, this is about 40 years ago!
"The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR) features the most current text updates based on scientific literature with contributions from more than 200 subject matter experts." by The American Psychiatric Publication, You can have a look at it through the link above to satisfy your curiosity. I found this cute simplified version of DMS-5 on amazon! and I must say, I am amazed! Click Here to review
The DMS-5 describes NPD as, possessing at least “five of the following nine criteria”.
* Disclaimer: The explanations are from my own experiences and readings. Reference links are below.
A Grandiose Sense of Self-importance
This is a tricky one to spot! I thought it should be obvious until I met multiple versions of them.
NPDs are manipulators, some will show their superiority over others, some will be seen as confident, and some may appear to be insecure and self-deprecating.
"Narcissistic personality disorder can be broken into 3 concepts:
1. Overt: Grandiose, stereotypical loud
2. Covert: More fragile, self-effacing, overly aware of others
3. Malignant: a combination of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder"
Preoccupation With Fantasies of Unlimited Success, Power, Brilliance, Beauty, or Ideal Love
Oh boy! I sure got a lot of experience in this matter! A paragraph isn't enough to describe this one.
But I'm going to give you a quick example that might help to describe how one aspect of this side of them. Have you ever been in a situation where you compare someone with another thing, that doesn't include praising or reinforcement, and that "someone" blows things out of all proportion?
Didn't ask you how you saw it in that way? paused to think of it for a moment and maybe told you what you just said was kind of true, but still harsh, or laugh out loud agreeing with you?
Yes, there is a chance of that person being a narcissist. Because they have high sensitivity to criticism.
By Mark Zimmerman, MD. Rhode Island Hospital, MSD Manual.
It's that low self-esteem they're trying to hide so hard, and out of nowhere, you come and expose them with your unthoughtful chit-chat.
Or from another perspective, you're not believing in their awesomeness! and that by itself is a CRIME!
Believing That They Are "Special" and Unique and Can Only Be Understood By, or Should Associate With, Other Special or High-Status People (or Institutions)
The truth is, Narcissists are superficial and materialistic.
They want their life to be ideal in everything. Preoccupied with fantasies of power, wealth, social status, perfect family, unrealistic inconceivable love, and the list goes on. All for the sake of their image! They Do not just gravitate to others' vulnerability, but are also attracted to others' "assets".
From my previous experiences, I never understood why they were always going higher than they can handle.
For me, it wasn't the obvious sign, because human usually doesn’t put the odds as a high potential option!
What was obvious though, for me, was this:
They have special childhood, special families, special struggles, special sensors of pain and hurt, special words, special brains, special bodies, and special souls! and nothing and they mean nothing can be compared to them!
*Imagine the previous phrases with an aura around the narcissist when speaking*
If you were experiencing the same situation, or much worse than they did; you still struggled less than they did!
If you achieved also something as brilliant as they did, or tremendously greater than they did, you are still not as good as they were!
And now, after this whole "grandiose", do you think that anyone can be a match for them or understand them?
* Heart-to-heart advice: Please, for your sanity and safety, don't believe them when they say that you are the only one who can understand them, or when they agree with you in some situations. They just do it as a part of their bigger plan. They've mastered manipulation since they were young age. All to serve their aims. So lower your expectations my dear when you're around them.
Requiring excessive admiration
This is a very easy way to spot them among groups.
You will see them controlling the conversation by talking about their adventures, random hobbies, and every tiny-miny detail of their lives, boring or not!
I even met a narcissist one day that didn't give me and my friend one single minute of peace for 8 hours car trip! He had to talk and talk just to keep all the attention on him, explaining everything on the land and the sky! Narcissists want to be always the "Center of The World" anywhere they go.
They prefer small and isolated groups, with weak members to easily control them. Usually, Narcissists have higher authority over them, or "as they think" less power than they are.
A sense of entitlement (unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with their expectations)
If you understood the previous points correctly, this one can be predictable!
Because they're amazing, they see themselves deserves wondrousness in return.
It's time for you to walk on eggshells now! You're not allowed to act as a human, be a child, have an illness, or simply be your unique self!
Nothing personal! It's just they see themselves as superior to other man kinds, one single good deed from their side is enough to praise them for the rest of their life because when they do wrong it's other's faults, not theirs for sure! They're created in an inimitable perfect way!
People, naturally, should comply with their expectations. They expect something to be done now the moment they requested it, even a young child should go with their rules. They demand it or they'll burst with anger.
Being interpersonally exploitative (taking advantage of others to achieve their ends)
This is the original plan. Remember whom they love first and foremost?
Themselves!
Anyone else is to serve their cause. They tame you to become their slave.
Narcissistic parents have a better description for this one, are you ready?
"I brought you to life to serve me."
Welcome to the club of “traumatized victims” by narcissists.
Narcissistic parents deal with their children as an investment or as assets. They also use children as a threatening tool to control the other family members to obey their rules or vent out their anger through abusive behavior towards children.
To build their tiny dream castle, to play a mini, but grandiose, God. To have it all contained and controlled tightly inside their fragile, fake empire of legos.
You can find them in the abuser who controls your look, attitude, opinions, dreams, and what you should and shouldn't do. Because you, the person they picked or brought to life, resemble them, you need to be up to their level, sweetheart. Their sense of entitlement makes it logical to them.
Lacking empathy (unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others)
Ahh, where should I start on this one?
Lots of painful memories were built up because of this among all their victims. I've seen the NPD's harmful attitude toward siblings and co-workers and such non-long-term relationships, but the most painful and harmful ones are having parents or partners as a narcissist.
Man! You won't understand how ugly this can be unless you were in that same spot!
By, Margalis Fjestad, Ph.D., LMFT. From mbgrelationships.
Their "Emotional Reasoning" has a different script than the rest of the world. Even if they said that they do understand your feelings, they don't.
That's why when you try to talk reason with them or explain their hurtful behavior the conversation will always come to a dead end.
- Often being envious of others or believing that others are envious of them
“The success of others evokes their pathological envy, reminding them of what they lack and could never achieve themselves. As a result, they will do anything and everything possible to minimize the accomplishments of those who threaten their false sense of grandiosity and superiority.”
This can be in lots of forms. They will use gaslighting, and emotional or physical abuse in a non-confronted way, to empty their victims’ buckets and fill their own with the good stuff, and continue to be number one among their cult.
These are some examples of how they perform it:
-They will praise the victims for something and then put them down for that same thing, so they have control over the victim by keeping them below.
-Brag about their victims outside, then diminish them when nobody is watching.
-They will isolate them from all their social circles to keep controlling them and tailoring them to their needs.
-Put down all their dreams and accomplishments, treat them with suspiciousness, and question their sanity, loyalties, or morals.
-Their victims are always the wrong ones, the rotten ones, the maddest ones, the most devilish ones, the reason for all the sins and mysteries that had or still happening around the world!
- Pushing their victims to do more than their limits for the sake of the narcissist's goals or glory.
This whole destructive plan is to break their victims down, and make themselves their only rescuers, the only angelic person, who has sacrificed to lift their heavy burden and troublesome existence on their awesome shoulders! Or who else going to sacrifice as they did?
They crash their victims and their souls, then they claim to be their superhero rescuers.
So, when the victims or the outside world gives credit for the success or the heroic part, that would be for the narcissist!
- Showing arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
This can be told by the NPDs body language. They criticize people around them, whether at work, inside the house, or anywhere else. They will act like they’re Mr/Mrs. Perfect, who knows it all!
You will also notice their behavior during arguments, do they allow others to talk or defend themselves? Or do they lash at them and never stop until they destroy that person mentally or physically?
They also use long-threatening lectures. They will stand in the middle of any scene, at any time of the day, and lash out at everybody, for hours sometimes, filling anyone who’s there with the most venomous and destructive words your mind never have ever thought of, not in your wildest dreams!
Their lack of empathy and emotionless hearts would go as far as they want to go!
· Conclusion:
Do not fall for the fantasy! In a statistic that I read in the book “Why You’re Never Good Enough” only 5% of Narcissists seek therapy! And in my opinion, the majority of them must’ve been those who started at a very young age.
What you should focus on is yourself.
They have to seek help by themselves this applies to everyone capable enough to take care of him/herself. You shouldn’t be forcing anyone or waiting for someone to change.
If you need to confirm your conclusion about NPD, you're going to have to discuss it further with a specialist. NPD is a mental disorder that needs to be diagnosed by specialists. Not to mention that some other personality disorders and mental illnesses may overlap with NPD.
Reference Links
1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), MSD Manual Professional Version. 2.Narcissistic Personality Disorder, PsychDP.
3.15 Signs You're Dealing With A Narcissist, From A Therapist, MindBodyGreen.
4. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, HelpGuide.
5. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NCBI.gov
6. Types of personality disorder, Medical News Today
7. The Pathological Envy Of Narcissists Reveals How Powerful Their Victims Are, Thought Catalog
9. Individual and Marital Therapy with Narcissists, Psychology Today
10. Mental Disorder, Britannica
11. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Med Scape
12. How to identify a narcissist — and cope with their potentially toxic behavior, NBC News
13. Narcissistic Personality Disorder Symptoms and History, Very Well Mind
14. Narcissistic personality disorder, Wikipedia
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